Background:
An unofficial guys weekend reunion for high school and college friends. 18 to 20 folks descend on the Big Easy for a 3-day gathering.
Scene 1:
A courtyard on the western edge of the French Quarter. A warm day as a group of friends are gathered around a table. Scores of beers are consumed as stories of youthful college days are reminisced. Previously, this merry band had consumed food, IPAs, Bloody Marys and an assortment of featured cocktails at Walk-On’s sports bar on Poydras Street. The group’s Alma mater Vanderbilt put up a valiant struggle before succumbing to the Florida Gators in the Swamp, 38–24.
Our hero, Jed had turned in two impressive nights of partying. He was game to try to complete the trifecta. Around 7pm, Jed was no longer drinking at the table. He had gone into the house where he lay shirtless and passed out on the master bed. A final rally was made as the majority of the group made our way to yet another sports bar, this time the Bayou Burger on Bourbon Street. Here we would have dinner and yet more beverages.
Chris, Doug, and Kevin, also worn out from 48 hours of festivities, decided to stay at the house while Jed enjoyed some well-deserved rest.
Scene 2:
Your faithful narrator, you can call me Ken, was turning in for the night half past midnight after a final night in the quarter. The rest of the crew returned to the Westin hotel where the majority of the group was staying.
After wrestling with the temperamental gate key, I finally made my way back to the domicile. As I entered the house, I surveyed the available beds and discovered Jed in the same spot I last saw him before dinner. He was alone on the master bed. It appeared that Jed would not be returning to his room in the Westin any time soon. As I checked out the beds and pull-out couch, those beds were all occupied.
The best option was the left side of the master bed next to our incapacitated protagonist. I quietly slipped under the covers and instantly entered into deep sleep.
Scene 3:
Early morning at the house. I wake to voices coming from the kitchen. The time is showing a little after 6am. I remain underneath the blankets and pillows to shut out the voices from the other room.
Despite efforts to return to slumber, Jed and Doug voices are crystal clear in the small house.
Jed: “Hey, I don’t think Ken ever made it home last night. I hope he’s not dead.”
Doug: “What? Wasn’t he sleeping in the master bedroom with you?”
Jed enters the master bedroom. Puts his hand on my section of the bed.
Jed, laughing, “Oh, I didn’t know that you were sleeping here. I’m on my fourth beer. You want to start drinking?”
I assumed that Jed was kidding.
Me: “No thanks. That sounds terrible.”
I pull the blankets back over my head. Jed returns to the kitchen to talk with Doug.
Jed: “How about you? Do you want to start drinking?”
Doug: “Umm, no thanks. I’m good.”
Jed: “I have kind of a weird question. Can I borrow a shirt?”
Doug: “Uh, sure. Here, you can borrow this one.”
Doug and Jed exit the house to smoke outside.
Scene 4:
30 minutes later.
Kevin and Doug are talking in the other room.
Kevin: “Hey Doug, have you seen my shirt?”
Doug: “Um. I think Jed borrowed it.”
Kevin: “What? What do you mean he borrowed it. Where is he?”
Doug: “I think he went out drinking.”
I give up on getting any more sleep. I join Kevin and Doug in the living room. Being our last day in New Orleans, we begin to clean up, pack up and discuss breakfast plans.
Kevin and Doug are my friends from high school. Jed is one of my Vanderbilt friends.
Kevin: “Man Ken, what’s the deal with your friend Jed? He like, stole my shirt.”
Me: “I don’t think that’s what happened.”
Doug: “Um, Kevin, you might get mad at me because this may partially be my fault.”
Kevin: “What do you mean?”
Doug: “Well, Jed woke up, and he was drinking a bunch of beers. He asked me if I wanted to drink with him and also asked to borrow a shirt. I grabbed your shirt and gave it to him.”
Kevin: “Why would you do that?”
Me: “Doug, why didn’t you just give him one of your shirts?”
Doug: “No way, why would I give him my shirt?”
After college, Kevin came into a small windfall and decided to walk the Appalachian Trail. All 2175 glorious miles of it over a 6–7 month period. You know what you get when you complete the Appalachian Trail? A special, one-of-a-kind t-shirt.
Kevin: “Doug, you are getting me my shirt back or you are going to have to walk the Appalachian trail and get me a new one.”
Me: “What was the last time you saw Jed?”
Doug: “Well, we went for a cigarette, and I came back inside for something. He was kind of locked out and trying to get back in. I was so tired that I was hoping he would head back to his hotel and I could relax a little. I felt bad after a while and I went out to get him. I saw him drinking at the bar next door so I came back inside.”
Me: “That little bar was open?”
Doug: “Yeah, and it was actually pretty busy. Jed seemed pretty content.
Epilogue:
The story ends with a peaceful resolution. We call Jed, who indeed made it back to the Westin. He was leaving out early to return to Denver to make the Raiders/Broncos game. He left the shirt with our responsible friend Ed at the Westin.
Thus ending the shirt story, and capping a winning weekend for our hero Jed, with a minor assist from Doug.
